Friends with the Enemy

Ah, the dentist. You know, the dentist does so much good for us, but do we realize it? An article I once read described how hard dentists have to try to get people to like them. They root canal us, they fill us, bridge us, clean us, cap us --- they do alot of good for our oral health. Alas, when we think dentist, we think pain and discomfort. The article went on to tell of how dentists go the extra mile to befriend us. They make friendly conversation, express concern for our overall well being, attempt to have sympathy for what we are going through -- basically they try to kiss butt as much as they can so that people will like them. My dentist, who I am actually going to see today, sends me free movie passes as Christmas time and when I send a new client their way. My beef is this: why don't other professionals offering unpleasant services/treatments go over and above the call of duty to be well liked? A prime example: The Gyno. So if someone who is reaching into your mouth and causing you discomfort sends you a Christmas card why wouldn't someone who is fiddling around in your nether regions do the same? I know that since the first day I ever saw a gyno I was completely uncomfortable, and I have definitely dreaded every appointment since. Gynecologists probe and poke, and the breast exam is never fun, and the clamps and cold hands are a nightmare. Some of these doctors actually do the opposite of what dentists do. It is sometimes as if they are trying to un-befriend you. I have, no word of a lie, waited pantsless on a cold table covered in crinkling paper for 45 minutes until the doctor arrived. 45 minutes pantsless on a paper table is like an eternity, trust me. Especially when you know that what you are waiting for is not something fun. It's not like waiting in line to ride Top Gun --- that would be worth the 45 minute wait. I understand that the job may not be that persons dream job. Hell, maybe they didn't make the cut to be a brain surgeon so it was off to gyno school for them! But all I'm saying is that if the job is crappy to you, imagine how much it sucks for the person you are 'man handling'. Wouldn't it be great, ladies, if you went to pick up your mail and there was a gift card for Winners in there from your gynecologist? Wait --- one could possibly read into that the wrong way. Ha! The doctor who just gave you a rub down has just sent you a gift. That IS weird! Ok, so maybe an alternative to sending gifts would be more appropriate. Maybe something more subtle...something like a 10 minute wait instead of 45. Too demanding? I think not.

The Dreaded "One-Upper"

The 'one-upper' can be described as that person in your life, either a friend or acquaintance - and sometimes a complete stranger - who is constantly robbing you of any glory the successes in your life may have offered you. The 'one-upper' is that girl/guy who overhears you having a conversation about your new shoes - those shoes that you found at a discount that you are completely in love with - and jumps in to talk about how he/she found an even BETTER deal for even BETTER shoes. In this example, the dreaded 'one-upper' has shifted the attention from your knack for finding great deals to her ability to be even BETTER than you. The 'one-upper' sees you using your new mascara and says, 'honey, that mascara is a piece of trash in comparrison to this one I just got'. Lost 3 pounds this week? Don't bother sharing that information because you can bet your bottom dollar that the 'one-upper' has lost 10. Save yourslef the frustration. Is this person, this 'one-upper' I refer to, merely an insecure individual who feels that the only way in which they can relate to you or feel moderately important in this world is to do what you do, but BETTER. The answer, folks, is yes. Let me say this, my gentle reader: please do not blame them, as the 'one-upper' cannot control this about themselves. For example, a mosquito bites your arm and your primitive and instinctual reaction is to slap your arm in an attempt to defend yourself against this irriation. Well, in the same instinctual manner the 'one-upper' must react promptly once hearing about someone else's joy (which is, in actuality, an irritation to them). Bought a new couch? SLAP...they bought a living room set for a better price! Dating an amazing new person? SLAP...they are dating an even MORE amazing person! I will say again, to all who have come accross this loathed individual, do not blame them for their inability to shut their mouths during a time that you wish to share your joyful moment. I am not sharing this to cause you to feel relunctant to tell us about your toddler being able to sing his 'ABC's' --- just don't be surprised if, once you share this, you learn that someone else's child of the same age has just written his first paragraph.